Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A Letter to 2013

My dearest 2013,

Let me start by saying, "Congratulations!" Unless I kick it before midnight, we've made it through this particularly difficult 365 days. You were a rough one; nonetheless, here I am. As I reflect back on the days we had together, there are a number of things that I know I will never forget.

1. Les Mis came out in theaters, DVD, and CD. I own both the DVD and CD and have since seen it a least a dozen times.
2. I moved back to New York City.
3. My car was vandalized. Twice.
4. Brooklyn's stomach expanded four times its size and her lungs almost collapsed.
5. I had an AMAZING job at Riverside Ranch and worked with some of the best people I've ever known.
6. I made wonderful friends and acquired a family that I will forever love.
7. I witnessed love in more ways than one.
8. I had a conversation with my parents that changed my life forever.
9. My faith was challenged. 

I believe you brought me more heartache and tears than any person should endure in a year's time. However, you also brought me more love and laughter than I think I deserve. 2013, I cannot thank you enough for the lessons you have taught me. I am not proud of every decision made during our time together, but because of you I will never again apologize for being myself. I will never doubt that with faith, I will also find light. I will remember to love those around me and those that aren't, even more. I will forgive harsh words and actions, and I will be the best friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, and person I can be. 

So thanks again, 2013. Here's to you.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Today

hopeful.
loved.
nervous.
sain.
understood.
misunderstood.
appreciated.
belittled. 
confident.
passionate.

How can so many emotions occur in a 24 hour period? 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Chapters

It's been almost an entire year since I last blogged and let's be real- I don't have the time to give you a detailed 10 month recap and you don't have the attention span to read it. So here's the short version:

1.  I moved to Texas in August.
2.  I got a job teaching on the weekends and working in retail during the week- they all of sudden "weren't hiring."
3.  So I got a different job in retail- they lied to me about my pay/benefits.
4.  So I didn't work for about 3 weeks- I thought I was going to die.
5.  So I got a job leasing apartments- that was really fun, until I realized I was working 60 hours a week and my boss was an ass (the majority of the time).
6.  My car was vandalized- like severely. Every panel was keyed, scribbled on almost. "NOT A PARKING SPOT" was in the hood of my car.
7.  *SAME WEEK* Brooklyn's stomach valves shut off on both ends so she wasn't able to breath or go to the bathroom, so it expanded 4x what it should be, and almost ruptured.
8. Just to name a few...

I have told this series of events to many people... too many people. I realized there is so much more to my story than what I am telling.

This chapter of my life- my self- is coming to a close. The next one: Allowing myself to find the good in the bad and the opportunities in the obstacles.

Let the fun begin.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

today

crushed.
offended
pissed.
went for a run.
exhausted.
out of shape.
pissed.


Friday, June 29, 2012

Bloodstream

"I think I might have inhaled you. I can feel you behind my eyes. You've gotten into my bloodstream. I can feel you flowing in me." 


Can you imagine feeling this way about someone?







I can. 
:)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Don't Cry Because It's Over, Smile Because It Happened...


Bullshit.
You can smile because it happened all you want, but if you don't cry it's going to kill you.

I cry. A lot. About EVERYTHING. The likeness of you seeing me cry is rare(unless I'm laughing), but realistically, I'm always crying about something. It makes you feel better, no matter what you're crying about. It could be from laughing incredibly hard or reminiscing about favorite past times- maybe from heart ache, frustration, or stress. So when it comes along, I embrace it. Every one needs a good, solid cry now and then- and I mean the "fall to your knees, my life is over, where are the Kleenex, shit I'm out, I'll use a dirty shirt" cry. In a way, it's freeing.

So, for all you assholes walking around "smiling because it happened," cut that shit out. You are making me look bad so wipe that grin off your face and get to crying.

Jess :)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Time

Look at the clock. Sit in one place, breath, and relax for one minute. Watch the clock as you do this so you know exactly when your minute is over.



Time: Many understand it to be minutes and seconds- a hand on a clock, ticking away with each breath we take. Sometimes people say things like, "It's only a matter of time before I die," or "It's only a matter of time before something else happens" and so on. Henry David Thoreau said "You cannot kill time without injuring eternity" so I prefer to think of time not only as seconds and minutes, but also as a series of events that hold endless opportunities.

When I was first received my diagnoses, all I could think about was when I would have my next seizure. "It's only a matter of time..." I would avoid doing certain things because of it. I went from living an extremely hectic and almost sleepless lifestyle to one that had me working 10-12 hours per week, in bed my 9pm and up by seven. I started living my life by the minutes, by the wrong concept of time.

Yes, it is only a matter of seconds, minutes, days, preferably years before we die. But I would much rather think of it in terms of "only a matter of get togethers, inside jokes, weddings, birthday parties, and awards shows (you are all invited to the Oscars when I am nominated)." Think of the minute you spent before you read this. You watched as a minute passed, a minute of your life with which you did absolutely nothing. What could you have done with that minute? Now I realize I am the reason you spent that precious minute and you've now spent x amount of your day reading this. Thank you for making this one of your life's events and I hope it has impacted you in some way. If not, thank you for listening regardless.

We are allotted 24 hours in a day, eight of which we should sleep in order to stay healthy. So, for the remaining two-thirds of your day, the 16 hours or in my opinion, infinite events that could occur, what will you do?