Thursday, March 31, 2011

Letters to Passengers on Flight 1581

Dear 11C,
Because of your inability to read the departure time on your plane ticket, we had to wait an extra 10 minutes for you and now I am stuck sitting on an airplane for more time than I intended.  I'm sure you're too self absorbed to care but I hate flying. Even more than flying, though, I hate sitting... on an airplane... that isn't going anywhere. My ass is now going to hurt for a longer period of time. Thanks a freaking lot.

Dear 10A,
I realize your daughter is only two years old, but I would really appreciate it if she would stop screaming. I mean, it's 7am and no one should have to hear something so shrill this early in the morning.  We are allowed two carry on items, but screaming children are strictly prohibited (it's in the fine print). She may take up less room than some of the carry ons, but if she's gonna scream the whole time, maybe you should have checked her with the suitcases... Just a thought. 

Dear 11E,
I'm very personable and can typically strike up and hold a conversation with anyone without issues. If someone wants to go out of their way to talk to me, I'm more than willing to comply and entertain them with small talk. But for the sake of all things holy, STOP TALKING! It's 7:30 in the morning and Satan's offspring in seat 10C has been screaming for the past 30 minutes. The last (and by last I mean the thing right before everyone on Earth dies) thing I want is to hear about your teenage grandkids that don't appreciate you. That's a little heavy, especially since this is a rather short flight, don't you think? My suggestion? Get a journal... or maybe even start a blog.


No comments:

Post a Comment